Pocket of Gold
by marcasite
Summary: It was a reminder of what she had lost and how much she had gained back for herself.


_This is a gift for Leslie who told me to bring it, and I uh...brought it? Super thanks go out to **Adyin's One** for the awesome beta! Thanks! _

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Allison Cameron's life runs in predictable circular patterns and that's fine by her. She is comforted by the sameness that it provides; no beginning, no ending, just simple continuity. She can look back on her childhood and all the memorable moments in her life and see the circles that formed around her, creating an unbendable chain linked to memories and forgotten moments. Her only concessions to these curved routes that ran her life were controlling the speeds at which they traveled.

When she was very little she simply told her mother, "I am going to save lives." Her mother had smiled back and nodded her head, "Honey, you can do anything you want; the world is yours." Then she lowered herself onto her haunches in order to look her daughter eye to eye. "Anything you want you can have; just remember to hold onto your goals in order to savor the riches." Despite the cliché that every parent affords their child, Allison was introduced to her first glance at the circumference that was going to shape her life. Even to this day she was never quite sure what her mother was referring to but she did understand one thing; she had her family's support in whatever she chose to do. Everything that she did subsequently was done in order to show her family how good she could be at anything, and she chose to be a doctor.

She was sidetracked in college, the first time she stepped outside of the comfort her family and few friends provided. She met a young man with high aspirations and a charming smile. He was quiet, soft spoken and none of her friends cared for him at all. They said he had no strength of character and was never really going to amount to anything. But she liked him enough to continue in pursuit of a relationship with him. One day, and she remembers the day as downcast and grey, he explained to her that he had cancer and was sick. He wanted her to marry him and be with him over the coming months. Although she was not quite sure that she was in love with him she conceded to being his wife and could start to feel the comfortable world she had created for herself closing in around her. She was lonely and maybe helping him through his last few months would stave off the loneliness. The day he placed the gold band on her finger she was reminded of her mother and her talk of riches. Allison gave a weak laugh and wondered if this was what her mother had meant all along. Could this possibly be what she had wanted for her? The gold glinted in the sunlight, but Allison felt only an impending sorrow as she stared at the ring. That afternoon, she set aside her dreams of becoming a doctor and became a nurse to her husband. She spent many days and long nights caring for him, and in his last days, he thanked her. That was the one and only timed she cried over him. On the day after he died and the loneliness had set in once again, she took the band off of her finger and placed it in her pocket. She vowed to carry it with her as a reminder of what she had lost and how much she had gained back for herself.

The day that she met Dr. Gregory House she set into motion another chain of events that would start on its way to consuming her. She was attracted to him physically from the onset but it was the small hints that showed the hidden depths of his character that appealed to her. She could see the compassion that lurked beneath the surface of the man, veiled with wit and verbal volleys. He held a magnetic pull over her, and she was helpless to fight it. She tried, she really did, and her body held the bruises as proof. She allowed him to bend the circle of protection she held captive around her by allowing him to learn a little of her past pain with her husband and his ordeal. He never let her forget it and it was a lesson that she continued to forget as she repeatedly allowed herself to appear naïve and vulnerable to him. Even to this day she cringes when she remembers the hallway conversation she had with him, and his look of disdain at her need to understand his feelings, or lack thereof, for her.

He once told her that she was damaged, that they were both damaged and no good for one another. He hides his want and need beneath layers of lies and infliction of pain. She remembers hearing him say these words to her, remembers the compression against her chest as she absorbs the impact of his words, and can vividly remember thinking how weak this man was. She had stared at him wishing him to take back the hurtful words simply because she had nothing more to say. Later that night, she decided that she had the strength to break this particular chain and only hoped that she had the courage to hide her pain as well.

For Allison understands the circles that rotate around and through her. No beginning, no ending, just simple continuity and a pocket full of gold that she uses as a reminder of hidden chances and the way circles can shape a life.


End file.
